Last updated August 28th 2016

dear-daily-freier

Today the Dear Daily Freier advice column answers questions that you were too sweaty and annoyed or embarrassed to ask yourselves. You’re welcome.

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Dear Daily Freier: My mates and I are getting a bit legless sometimes, I mean drunk. Actually shit-faced. Bu the problem is that the next day I am not even sure where I am. Am I still alive or have I gone to Hell? This country is hotter than I thought. In all meanings of the word. What’s the Deal?

Curiously,

Joe from London

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Joe: That’s a very topical question. For you and your mates we’ve made a list of 7 signs that you live in Israel this summer (obviously none of them can refer to Hell. Our monotheism doesn’t really “do” Hell. Maybe something less severe but still unpleasant. Like “Heck”)

1. You take a shower every time you come back home (even if you just went out to throw away the rubbish).
2. You have 3-4 loads of laundry weekly and this process seems to be endless. Like a Möbius strip
3. Hugging your friends becomes awkwardly embarrassing.
4. You really miss this rainy and dreary weather of your hometown that you used to complain about.
5. A cold wave of air when you pass by a supermarket feels like lost paradise on Earth.
6. You are seriously thinking of creating a cult to the engineers who invented mazgan.
7. You say mazgan (instead of the AC), and everybody understands you.

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Dear Daily Freier: So you know the Anti-Circumcision guy who stands outside of Shuk HaCarmel and protests all day in a pair of white pants with fake bloodstains?  Do you know his situation?  Is he in a relationship or is he single?

Asking for a Friend.

Dear “For a Friend”: This is a tough one that we don’t have the answer for. Hey Daily Freier readers!  What’s the deal with this guy?  Enquiring minds want to know!

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Dear Daily Freier: I have a question about this unexplainable New Olah psychology. I am a born and raised Israeli dating a Polish Olah. We both love each and stuff, but you know, sometimes you want something… fresh. So I used to hook up with one girl (I’m not a jerk, I told her I have a girlfriend) and she was looking for a job. I told her that  my girlfriend’s company was hiring and she should apply. When the two girls met and found out how they know me, my girlfriend became livid and wants to break up… But why? What have I done wrong?

Feeling Confused,
Barak
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Dear Barak, we would recommend you confess that you haven’t done that inadvertently and you had no malice to hurt her. You feel down in the dumps/morose (which one sounds better?) and ask for redemption… Screw that, this is just ludicrous! We can’t help you, but recommend you post this to Secret Tel Aviv.

Got a Question? Drop us an email at daily.freier@gmail.com and we will be happy to dispense free advice worth every Shekel!

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Filed under: Dear Daily Freier Tagged: Dear Daily Freier, Gehinnom, Heck, Mazgan, Summer in Tel Aviv, Tel Aviv problems